Blurbs Gone Wrong

I am a big fan of Netflix.

My wife harangued me for almost two years to drop the movie channels we were paying for on DirecTV in favor of a Netflix account. I resisted, I demurred. I rationalized that getting movies in the mail would be too much of a hassle. I convinced myself that watching year-old "new releases" on HBO or Stars was worth being able to see the new season of "The Tudors." I think subconsciously I rationalized that dropping $30-40 a month on movie channels somehow gave me more than I could possibly get for $10-15 a month. Whatever the reason, I was wrong to have waited so long, and just so my wife can revel in a rare moment of capitulation, let me say it again: I was wrong, sweetie. Now you can die happy.

When my family wanted to watch actual new movies, I'd hop in the truck and head over to Blockbuster to rent a stack of new releases for $30-40 a pop. Then we would struggle to watch them all within five to seven days. Often, we'd end up skipping one or two (the cinematic equivalent of having eyes bigger than our stomachs), and then I'd rush back at almost midnight on the day the movies were due.

Very stressful. Isn't a leisure activity supposed to be, well, leisurely?

Enter Netflix, which has downright revolutionized the way we watch recorded media in Casa de Louie. It's no wonder the video stores are closing all around town; having something come to you is much easier than going to get it. Laziness is the basic engine of innovation.

Even better is Netflix's library of streamable movies made available to us through our Wii and wireless Internet connection. In fact, we probably watch more movies that way than we do on DVD, which is an inherently flawed medium, let's be honest, and one ill-suited for the "gentle" handling of the U.S. Postal Service. Of course, the on-demand offerings are slim (but growing), so we still rely upon The Little Red Envelop quite a bit.

Lest you think my praise too effusive, let me get to the point of this roundabout introduction: Netflix's descriptions are sometimes incorrect or entirely miss the point of what the movie was about. Often, these blurbs meander on and on about pointless, minor details or gloss over the most important aspects of a film. Sometimes, the blurbs are only kind of wrong, and other times, they are hilariously off-base.

I really wonder who writes these descriptions and if they are required to have actually seen the film. My guess would be that they are written by a third-party or are rewritten from other sources like IMDB. However they are generated, I find this phenomenon to be out of place in what is otherwise a fine service.

As such, I have taken it upon myself to faithfully record the more egregious examples and rewrite them to make more sense, at least as I see it. Don't ask me why I would do something so pointless. It's in my nature, I guess. Anyway, I will be posting these examples sporadically and as I see fit. I have created a label for this purpose and will prefix my examples with "Blurbs Gone Wrong: ..." Feel free to submit your own examples in the comments, but be warned: doing so will make you just as AR as me :)