Blurbs Gone Wrong: The Book of Eli

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Netflix's original blurb:
Determined to salvage a sacred text in order to protect humanity, Eli (Denzel Washington) goes on a quest across the country in this action-packed sci-fi adventure. Meanwhile, a blind woman named Claudia (Jennifer Beals) tries to protect her daughter, Solara (Mila Kunis). It seems that tyrannical town bully Carnegie (Gary Oldman) has taken a shine to the girl. Directed by the Hughes brothers, the film co-stars Ray Stevenson.

Analysis:
This little gem was one of the reasons I started rewriting Netflix movie descriptions in the first place. It is wrong in so many ways. First, Eli is more guarding the book than he is "salvaging" it. Second, I don't remember the movie saying he was on a quest to anywhere in particular. Third, as regards his "quest," well, his quest was to wander around and protect the book. He's a Wanderer of the Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland -- that's what he does. The basic conflict of the film is that the villain is trying to get Eli's book, which Eli defends like the wanderer stud he is.

The line about the blind woman is essentially accurate. However, my fourth major gripe is that the "town bully," as he is described, has no, I repeat no, interest in Mila Kunis' character, other than as bait to lure our Wander of the Waste. And to refer to him as a mere "town bully" slights Oldman, I think, whose stock in trade is playing psychopathic lunatics. This is, of course, Oldman's role in this movie.

The Hughes brothers should be included in the description, but frankly, I had to look up who Ray Stevenson even was. He was a somewhat minor character who probably shouldn't have made it to the description in the first place. Sorry, Ray, I'm just sayin' ...

My last piece of criticism is that to refer to it as a "sacred text" pretty much eliminates whatever doubt exists about what the book is. I know the movie is called "The Book of Eli," but there's no reason to kill every last bit of mystery about what the text is, which the movie actually tries to disguise for some time. SPOILER ALERT ... It's the Bible. Duh.

New blurb:
Determined to protect an ancient text, post-apocalyptic wanderer, Eli (Denzel Washington), does battle with tyrannical town boss, Carnegie (Gary Oldman), who needs the book for his own nefarious purposes. Carnegie's blind mistress (Jennifer Beals) and her beautiful daughter (Mila Kunis) are pulled into the fray, in this sci-fi adventure directed by the Hughes brothers.